First time mommy vs. mommy of many

As a mommy of three, I have noticed some huge differences in the way I parent my small colony of skids to the way the new mommies around town tend to their single little peanut, bundle, sweet pea, or whatever other pet name they have chosen to use. It's evident on the local Facebook moms page, in the coffee shops, playgrounds and grocery stores.

The first difference is worry. New mommies worry about everything. To them, motherhood is new and exciting and completely overwhelming. They worry whether their baby is reaching milestones on time, if the toys are sanitized and about the safety of anything and everything. Not to say mommies of more don't worry as much as mommies of one, I guess all that worry that was once fixated on the first child, just gets spread evenly over the entire brood. We also worry about things in a slightly different way than the new mommies. New mommies worry when they hear silence that their darling is choking, drowning, dying or worse...If I hear silence I worry about what kind of damage the kids have done to my make up, walls, carpet, or anything else that can be victim to their creative and artistic talents.

New mommies are often particular about maintaining sleeping and eating schedules and create a new life for themselves based on their child's sacred timeline. Moms of many don't let a child dictate the schedule. If the child is hungry, they will eat, if the child is tired, you can be sure they will sleep and the child won't care where, either. I remember a time when I took Cobi and Kyla to the grocery store. Cobi was freshly napped, but Kyla wasn't and there was not any way to postpone the shop. Well, anyway, Kyla passed out sitting in the seat in the cart and had herself a delightful nap while Cobi and I enjoyed our shop. She was two years old and she was tired. I learned that you can't delay their naps if you never establish a routine.

Another difference I have noticed is the need for gadgets, stuff and fluff. New mommies are almost always concerned about making sure they have the BEST brand new stroller, sling, carrier, toys, clothes, diaper bag, change table, etc, etc. After you've had a few, you realize, second hand is just as good as new, if not better because you save yourself millions of dollars. Ok, maybe not millions, but thousands. I accept hand me downs from anywhere, I shop in junk stores and buy off the lovely ladies of Facebook. Why spend $650 on a chariot when you can get it $35? Fair enough, some new mommies think of it as an investment because they plan on having more babies. I still think it makes sense to buy used even if that is the case. That stuff is built to last.

Lastly, new moms have an intense, overwhelming feeling of guilt any time they leave their child with a babysitter, even if it's a close relative. They will leave a list of twelve emergency contacts, call hourly for an update about how the baby is doing and if they hear the slightest whimper in the background, dash home to ensure baby doesn't feel abandoned. A mom with a few kids under her belt will leave in such a hurry, she'll forget to leave a number to be reached at. Ok, ok, I kid. I usually leave two or three numbers, but I rarely check in. If I do it's by text message and it's to make sure the babysitter had a snack or rented a movie for herself.

Being a new mom is a wonderful and challenging experience and as you have more children, you learn to enjoy your life again. Yes, my life is about my children a lot of the time, but as I added more children to my roster, I took a small piece of my individuality back, as well. Ironic? Maybe. Or, perhaps, it's just essential to human survival? If I poured out as much stress and worry on each of my three children that I did the first, I would surely have a lot more wrinkles, grey hair and higher blood pressure. I think we just learn to roll with it and, through experience, we learn to relax and live our lives again...sort of. I will never be as worry free and individual as I was prior to motherhood, just as I will never have a stretchmark free abdomen and round, perky breasts again. Children suck the life out of you, but it's also my children, who have given my life purpose and the greatest joy, in essence creating my life.